If I were to write a book about our lives it would start with, And they lived happily ever after.I wrote my first book when I was seven years old. It was about two best friends, they were very different from each other and that's what made them such a perfect match. I survived February and spring is on the way. Lizzie and the dogs came by on Saturday to ride out the tsunami. It didn't take long to realize how small our boat really is. It was raining and the dogs were soaked jumping all over the cabin getting everything wet. It was complete insanity but the truth is its the daily insanity that makes us what we are and who we are. We both had a hard laugh and wondered how we ever lived like this. Its hard to say but I have no desire to live like that again it was just too much. We have been on an insane budget for years saving to take a full ten years off. That and the incredible cost of building a boat is just too much. I have canceled the budget and will rewrite a more realistic one. It actually feels good to be taking a break from all of this.Now that we are not spending or saving I feel rich. I think I'm going to buy Lizzie a new piano. She is one of the worlds greatest pianists and it has been very hard on her not having one to play. Speaking of playing I think I would like to play house for awhile. I fell asleep last night planing my new garden.I have started my search for a Bristol Channel Cutter 28 while I'm still open to other boats we love the design off the Roo and want to stay as close as we can to her lines. In the meantime I will continue to slowly move forward on the Roo.It looks like the next few years will be spent sailing our local waters. We have 4000 islands right in our own back yard. Seems like a good place and a good pace to start with.
I'm down to the final edit of writing Boatyard Pirates the book and have been against the wall with writers block for months. I have decided to shelf it for a bit and wait for more inspiration.I the meantime I have started writing a new book that has nothing to do with sailing. Its a book of life, love and inspiration, I know, how boring. I have been called to write it and I can't ignore the music playing in my head. I have given notice to my company that March will be my last month with them. When I'm done here I'm taking my journal a small camera and I'm going to put some miles on my bike in search of the beauty of the life that flows through all of us. I am leaving on a daily journey to re-discover what has been with me since the beginning. It's time to remember and realign. Sometimes I feel so alone but deep down I know I have never been separate. We are all one. Every person I have ever met is part of my living soul shaping my future and guiding me to my destiny.My writing isn't paying the bills right now so I am starting a small company buying and selling pocket cruisers. I am searching for the next project boat and will start listing boats for sale by owner on this site soon. I am also going to be doing personal consultations for new sailors looking to live the dream. I know all the pieces will come together soon, so for now I'm just stumbling through life one day at a time. It feels good to be free again. I have completely opened my life to the universe and am embracing change and all that is new. I have shifted my life from Entitlement to Humility, from Control to Trust, and finally from Attachment to Letting Go.
They say that forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it. This week I've been writing letters to all the people who have ever seriously hurt or betrayed me. The letters are filled with love and admiration, all the best features of these people and how much I loved them. The hardest letter was to my ex best friend Mike. We were friends for 18 years. When I caught my ex-wife Julia in bed with Mike it sucked the life out of me. Catching your wife in this situation is a life shattering event in itself but when the man has been your life long best friend the betrayal is beyond words. They say that nobody dies from a snakebite. Its the venom that persists in their vanes that kills them. I had lost the two most important people in my life, with nobody to turn to I bottled the pain inside. For years I kept it with me always carrying the burden and pain. I had shut my life off to ever being close to anybody again. When I met Lizzie somehow she slipped through the door and over my wall. The truth is I wasn't ready to be in a relationship again and the pain was still there. The worst part is that being so close to me Lizzie received the brunt of it. I trusted her enough to be bigger than me and to be strong enough to help me heal. I asked for too much from her and it has driven her away from me. So not only did the betrayal ruin my first Marriage but also my second. While we are best friends and have great amounts of love for each other Lizzie wants out of my life and I don't blame her.Its been said that faith is the sound the song bird makes before the dawn. While it may be to late to save my marriage its never to late to heal myself. Several months ago I started seeing a doctor and he has been wonderful at helping me to heal and let go of the past. While I still have much to learn I now know that there is nothing in my life or mind that can hurt me. I have no resentments in my life, because there simply are no justified resentments. There are specific things I have to do in this life, my true calling is calling me. The next year may be one of the most challenging of my life but I'm not afraid. If I don't follow my heart now I will be doomed to a life of mediocrity. So Mike, Julia wherever you are and what ever you are doing I love you with all my heart and wish the best the world has to offer you and Lizzie, yes, I still love you. ;)~When I need inspiration I turn to the written word, today day it Maybe some day soon I will learn to cook and stop eating cold beans out of a can. For now its ok but its an atrocious way to go through life. What a bizarre day. I woke up to squalls rolling across the horizon, the sun was bright and shining through dark storm clouds and it has been raining and snowing on and off since morning. I look across the harbor from my desk and a huge rainbow is painting the sky. It looks like we are in for a good blow tonight. It's good to be alive and healthy. In 21 days I will be homeless, jobless and penniless, sounds like the making of an adventure to me. I have been spending allot of time with my atlas and compass. There are so many directions but which way to go. I will never be more free than I am right now. What ever happens I am taking full advantage of this beautiful day. 
Whew, I'm glad that's over. I had let my psyche slide down the slippery slope of depression and self despair. well I'm back and feel great. I have been going through a living hell of sell the boat keep the boat go bigger, go smaller... I have gone through all the working systems necessary to get the Roo sailing and it looks like I can go it for just under $5,000.00. Last night I added up all my pennies and I have net worth of $666.84 what a gross number. I have given myself an absolute deadline of June 1st for my maiden voyage of the Roo. If I can't somehow make that date on my own I'm cashing in some of my investments. The main issue I have is if I robbed my savings every time I needed something It wouldn't be there right now. well I'm giving up financial security for the life I want and have earned. If I have to set sail without a lifetime retirement fund or a life raft or whatever so be it. Id rather risk it all living my dream than drown in a sea of safety and despair.Only one small issue. I have accepted an offer on the Roo. She has already been surveyed and I'm waiting for an answer. If she sells I start all over if not I will be sailing the San Juan's within a few weeks. Its going to be a long weekend but but there is no sense worrying about what I can't control.
When we launched in October we were still on the waiting list for a permanent slip, we assumed we would have one by the time our sublet ran out. Last week was quite stressful as I still am number 7 on the waiting list and had till the 25th to vacate the one I was in. I can anchor out but still have no dingy. In the last few days the harbor master saved the day by letting us sublet a slip way out at the end of the condemned docks. Because the worst of the winds are done for the year it seems like we will be pretty safe. I usually tie off to the boat next to me to keep the boat from rubbing on the docks when the wind whips through but since the boat next to me is threatening to sink this wont really work. Last light was a fairy sleepless one listening to the wind rip through the rigging and the sound of my fenders crunching between the boat and the rickety old dock. The wind was at the right angle to send one foot wavelets slapping again my stern quarter, it sounded like a log smashing against the hull every few seconds.I am transitioning out of my job as a yacht broker in the next few days or weeks and will be going to work full time on completing the Roo. I am planning on adding up to 14 coats of varnish on all the interior wood and three coats of paint on the painted surfaces. I have a special mixture that I have created both for the paint and varnish so when I finish she will have her own unique interior. I have or am in the process of ordering all the remaining parts to have her sail ready and it wont be a long wait for our maiden voyage.I was hoping to add pictures of our new home but once again my camera has succumbed to the harsh environments of me and the sea, I think that makes about 6 year to date. Saturday was beautiful, I actually fell asleep in the sun lounging in the cockpit after a quick 25 mile ride. Note to self, I better do a few more laps around the track.One of these days I will learn to keep my mouth shut, last night we had wind gusts to 60mph. Our new slip is in a more exposed area and the water behind the boat looked like rapids. I fell asleep on the side of my cabin listening to the crashes every few seconds when the waves were just right. The rigging was moaning all night long and the telltale crashes around the marina made it feel more like winter then spring. On the plus side I am wearing shorts for the second time and its still march.The waiting game begins, I have almost everything ordered to get the Roo sailing, now I just have to sit here and wait for everything to come in. I have stared prepping and will spend the month refinishing the interior of the boat with fresh paint and varnish. If there is enough left in the budget the Roo will also get a new bare teak cabin sole. I have finally finished designing my galley and hope to be cooking real food again before too long. I need to get some rest April is going to be a long month.
